Sunday, March 17, 2013

Would you tell me, honestly, if I asked how you feel?

There's so many feelings and thoughts mixed in me right now. I don't really know where to begin, or how. 

I fell in love from that moment we kissed.

I just.. I want you. I want you so badly, and I've come to terms with that I will never ever be able to be just friends. I want something more, I will always be wanting something more. But I'm willing to wait, I'm willing to give you time. I'm okay with you seeing others if that's what you want because I believe in us. I believe in what we have, and what we could have. And deep deep inside of me, I have this feeling, this gut feeling that you actually do like me. In the same way as I like you, but you just.. You just haven't figured it out yet. Or you're too afraid to admit it. Because you're scared, but so am I. I'm terrified, but what do we have to loose? If we hit rock bottom there's only one way to go, and that's up, but we could also be a match made in heaven. That's the kind of things one can't know if one doesn't try. And I want to try.

Wednesday, March 6, 2013

And though you will not wait for me, I’ll wait for you.

There's a part of me that long for your touch, your hugs, your kisses. There's a part of me that screams in pain whenever I see your name, or your picture, or anything that has to do with you. There's a part of me that's missing you like crazy, and that part of me is driving me insane. That part of me is jealous, that part of me wants to be the only girl in your world. That part of me want you and me to be us, more than friends. We were good together, we had fun together, you made me laugh, I made you laugh. I hope. I actually opened up to you, told you all about my skeletons. I showed you my heart, I tore down the walls, I let you in. And you just stomped all over it. All over me. All over my heart. You ripped me apart. And even though, I miss you. I freakin' miss you.

Sunday, March 3, 2013

'Cause you're all that's safe, you're all that's warm, in my restless heart.

I thought we were friends. I thought we'd agreed to start over, start fresh. But I guess we're not, 'cause it seems that I'm not wanted in your life. And I wish I could say the same, but I miss you. I miss you so much that it aches. I miss talking to you, I miss our random phone calls, I miss your morning texts, I miss all of your texts. And I don't really care that we're not suppose to be more than friends, 'cause a friend is all I need right now. I need you.

Monday, December 31, 2012

You make me feel.

I've known you for a little over a week, but it feels like I've known you for an eternity. It's weird what people can do to you. The first time I saw you I just kinda knew, I knew that there would be sparks. At least for me. Well you are that kind of guy that I normally fall for. I just took a small detour with my ex, and lost myself but I think I'm back now. On the right track. And you make me so freakin' happy, I'm walking around with this big fat grin on my face and everything is... easy.

Saturday, December 22, 2012

And I might be okay but I'm not fine at all.

I should be sad, I should be home curled up like a ball in bed crying and longing for my ex, I should want him back, I should be devastated. Shouldn't I?

I shouldn't be this happy, or have these thoughts about another boy - longing for his attention. I shouldn't have butterflies in my stomach, or a big fat grin on my face. Not after just a month apart. Or should I? Is it okay? Is it okay to long for someone else, to crave their touch, their attention. Just wanting to be near him, talk to him, feel his body heat without touching him because I'm standing so close. 

But yeah, of course its still hard. I'm not a fucking machine, so yeah. I'm still sad, I still think about him sometimes but not in that way. I don't miss him. I miss someone. I miss cuddling in bed with someone, I miss spooning, I miss hugging, I miss touching, I miss kissing, I miss those things. But not him.

Saturday, November 17, 2012

I hate myself for wanting this.

I just want to throw my arms around him and hope that it'll make everything better again. I miss him. I miss him so much that it hurts.

But I hate myself for wanting that. I hate myself for feeling like this. I hate this.

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

I'm okay when I'm sleeping.

Waking up every morning and realize that everything is still fucking fucked up is awful. Trying to go through the days without crying, or causing a scen, is even worse. Especially when the people who surrounds you are the ones who makes it awful. I'm trying to move on, I'm trying to be a good friend, I'm trying to be okay.

I just want this nightmare to be over. I want everything to go back to normal. Or at least as normal as it can get. I want to go back to my country, to my friends, to my family. I want to be surrounded by people who care about me. I want to feel loved and appreciated.

I'm okay when I'm sleeping. So I should probably go back to sleep and sleep through the day, so I can wake up tomorrow and head for the airport and the plane that will take me away from this place.